My first STD was from a foam party
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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