Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
