And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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