Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
