you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
