I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
