Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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