I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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