My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
