omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He did a backflip because drugs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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