C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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