Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
