Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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