I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
