We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
