After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
