I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
