I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
