i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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