why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
