He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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