when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
