GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
