Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
