is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
