No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
