Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
