My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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