Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
