So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
