i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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