Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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