we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
