We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Boobs are out for the taking
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His nipple licking is glorious
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