The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
