ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
