Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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