my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize