Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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