Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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