im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
