So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
