i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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