I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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