I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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