Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
