She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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