When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
