His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
