Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
