ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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