Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
