Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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