I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends