Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.