I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.