Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..