just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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