I wannas sexs uuuuu
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
