He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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