If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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