dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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