No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
