New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
